29 Aug 2016

Update

Hi

As you know, Cathy and I don't post about our lives anymore, but we are still around, still using DD and now happily settled in a small house in the East Anglia countryside (which is fast becoming more and more like our inspiration the TV series The Good Life, with Cathy getting into growing vegetables and self sufficiency). As for me, I now spend most of my time writing and that means I can write more DD stories to sell on Amazon. 

You can find the links on my writing here - FLR Stories

And you can also follow us on twitter - @tmandred1

Regards,

Tim


3 Jan 2015

What we are doing now - Updated January 2016

This is a quick note to say hello and that we are still here even though we don't post these days - simply a case of having said all there is to say. We still use DD but rarely need it for serious reasons - a natural consequence of any disciplinary regime is that eventually it is not needed. Spanking is still in our life together, but more to keep us close and happy. 

We won't be adding any more to this blog, but will leave it up for anyone who finds it useful. 

Best wishes,
Tim (Scally)

7 Apr 2014

Unexpected Humiliating Punishment

A few weeks ago the two sides of our DD relationship (the real and playful discipline) met in a new way. Cathy’s younger sister (by three years) and I tease each other a lot. Partly because that is both our natures, but also because we know each other very well (due to us having had to look after her through a fair bit of illness). I’m much better at teasing than her, so I always get the upper hand, but she never gives up trying.

She lives in the next town but often comes to stay, and on her visit before last I was teasing her quite a bit - there was a lot of semi insult based banter flying back and forth. So much so that Cathy told us both, playfully but sternly, to pack it in. Unfortunately I didn’t take her seriously, so in the end, and to my deep shock, she told me to go and stand in the corner. I was deeply embarrassed just from her saying it, and begged her to let me off - while her sister was laughing like crazy. When I eventually couldn’t get Cathy to back down, I had no choice but to either outright refuse (not a good idea!) or go. So I ended up standing in the corner while her sister was absolutely full of giggles and smiles.

It has never happened before - I mean never in front of someone else, so I was really really embarrassed. Then, to make matters worse, the next day we were due to have lunch with my family (my mum, sister and her grown up daughter), and just because I was being a tiny bit sarcastic at lunch, Cathy and her sister brought it up and told everyone what had happened. I was seriously red!! I never thought Cathy would do that! My own sister was shocked, she said, but they all found it really funny. There are moments when you want the earth to open, and then there are times when even that would not be not enough!

And needless to say, my evil minded, low life of a sister-in-law has been trying to engineer a repeat every since.


UPDATE - AUGUST 2016 - My sister in law now knows that Cathy spanks me as punishment. In the end I had to tell her (for reasons that are private), but it was interesting and worth noting because she told me it made no difference to our relationship or how she felt about me. (Which has always been a very close and positive one).

7 Jan 2014

Fear of a spanking

I was reading some other blogs tonight and it reminded me of something that I've noticed in myself on a regular basis (since we started to use DD).

It has currently been one of those periods where it has been quite a long time since Cathy gave me a serious spanking (by this I mean a punishment or disciplinary maintenance one with the scolding that goes with that). And what I've found is that whenever that happens I sort of get used to not being a "spanked husband", and a 'not wanting to be' feeling comes over me which adds up to a real fear at the thought of getting one.


Probably this sounds like music to the ears of any disciplinary wife reading this, but the downside is that this 'not wanting to be spanked' comes from the rise of my male ego, my alpha male (potential at least) and a sort of 'I'm above this-ness' that basically is not that great for a wife. You see, while I start to feel like a grown up who doesn't get spanked anymore, and I want it to stay that way so that I can carry on feeling like a grown up, I'm not sure if I my behaviour matches that. Sometimes I think I just sort of disappear into my own world, or put a wall up - I'm not really sure. All I know is that Cathy likes me more when I'm vulnerable and little boy like.


I also think that while I'm in this state I probably also send off signals that say "Don't spank me", and I think this maybe stops Cathy from doing it even more. I'm not sure, and in fact I'm using this post as a thinking process, but I know I certainly feel nervous she'll read this and decide to spank me, and am aware this has stopped me looking at this or admitting it before. I do know that this is not an attempt to get her to spank me. I am sure many will think, but it's not - for the reasons explained above. I just felt it was worth sharing - and exploring (though not particularly pleasant to do - since it is sort of embarrassing too).


Anyway, hope that is of interest to others and please excuse the rambling. As I said, it was a case of thinking aloud. 


5 Nov 2013

An Overview of our Journey

During our journey with female led domestic discipline, we have gone through several stages - I'll list them so new readers will know I mean:

1) I introduce the concept of DD to Cathy. Partly because I had read the DWC site and thought it sounded like a good idea (and I liked being spanked anyway), and partly because Cathy is much younger than me and I thought it would help balance our dynamic.

2) Cathy agrees and tries to be and do what I want (fantasy wise) and eventually gets stressed and tells me what she's been doing. I call a halt to the DD, try to make her see she matters more to me than the lifestyle.

3) A few months go by and Cathy finds she misses both the spanking and the voice it had given her. She decides to bring it back on her own terms and our life becomes a mixture of both real and fun discipline.

4) After a year or two of me getting very real disciplinary spankings* every month or so, I learn to stop earning them and we settle into a life where the spankings are more or less only fun ones.

(* Real discipline spankings for us means a spanking when I have upset Cathy somehow - usually acts of insensitivity - and she spanks from that place. They hurt like hell: not because they are harder, although they are, but because when I'm in full remorse, there are no pleasure endorphins in my body to counter the pain. Which is why, by the way, DD works even with guys who like being spanked). 

5) And so to where we are today. The need for real disciplining has largely slipped away and our spankings are mostly just bedroom fun. Cathy still spanks to get her way, or to playfully tell me off, but she hasn't had to spank me as a proper punishment as per * above for ages. In fact, I can't remember the last time. :)

I thought this would be worth sharing as it has a certain cycle about it that others may find useful.

An Alternative to Rules

Hi everyone, Cathy here :)

I had an email from someone recently asking me for advice on setting basic rules for a DD/Female-led relationship. So that got me thinking about rules, whether we all need them or not, and the emphasis which is put on their importance on discipline blogs and in the Female-led community.

I don't have a list of rules for Scally. I've tried a few times to use this approach in the past, but it has never worked out. I think there are a few reasons for this:

1) I struggle with depression a lot of the time, and so enforcing a set of rules is very difficult. When I'm finding it hard to even complete basic daily household tasks, it feels impossible to summon the motivation and  confidence to monitor Scally's behaviour so fully.

2) Scally and I have excellent communication. We speak about our feelings, often in an honest and open way. We're able to be vulnerable with each other, and so when a problem arises (for example, Scally has done something which has upset me) we talk through it. Quite often we reach a point where I have heard Scally's side of the story, and I no longer feel upset. Therefore, using punishment does not feel relevant or necessary any more.

3) Our aims and needs change, like any human beings. So a list of rules written 2 months ago may not fit with our current needs or situation.

For a long time I've felt that I've been letting Scally down by not sticking to a hard and fast set of rules. I've read about many other couples having 'contracts', and I felt that if I was any good at being a disciplinarian I should be able to do the same.

But I've come to the conclusion that couples can have a fulfilling and effective DD relationship without having rules. What works for one couple does not work for all, and I feel that a lot of unnecessary pressure is added, especially to couples just started out with DD, when they believe there is a 'right' way to do things.

The alternative to having a set of rules is to simply use discipline when talking through a problem hasn't worked. Sometimes there are things which the wife just cannot accept, and she feels she must express her feelings of hurt through discipline.

Over time, the husband will come to know what things will earn him a spanking or caning. With Scally, there are a few things which he knows for certain are likely to get him a sore bottom. We don't need to write them down, we don't need to each sign at the bottom, because we've talked together enough to know where we stand on certain issues.

This feels much better for me because I don't feel that heavy pressure of being contractually obliged to spank Scally whenever he leaves his pants on the floor by the laundry basket, or to cane him if he spends over a certain amount of time wasted on the internet. These are things which sometimes irritate me, but there are some things which the wife really should take responsibility for her feelings over. Instead of keeping an eye out for every rule Scally is breaking, I can just let it go. This is a much healthier way for me to be, and I think for Scally too.


22 Mar 2013

YumYums (and the kind of thing that often occurs here)

“Yumyums,” Cathy said the other day, as we sat watching TV. “Why don’t we have any YumYums?”

(This was Cathy-Code for ‘Go and buy me cakes’. Foolishly I decided to play dumb.)


“YumYums?” I said, questioningly.

“Yes, we don’t have any.”

(Silence)


“It’s a jokey way of saying I want YumYums,” she prompted.

“I’m sorry, I’m not able to understand that kind of humour. I’m too intelligent.”

“I don’t think intelligence is your problem,” she told me.

“No, that's true,” I agreed, “It's not my problem.”

“Oh you didn’t!” Cathy cries. “Oh no you didn’t!”

Apparently I did, because she was already pulling me by the wrist to the bedroom. I was having trouble walking, on account of laughing so hard.

“I couldn’t help it,” I gasped. “It was just such a gift. I’m sorry, honestly. I'll go get you YumYums!”

But my laughing was not helping to convince her and by now we were in the bedroom. She’d grabbed her hairbrush. “Yes, well, you’ll be sorry alright. And then you'll go buy me YumYums. Now bend over!”

17 Mar 2013

Dancing to the Beat - and who leads?

Cathy and I are teaching ourselves Ceroc – a dance like Jive. However, this is specifically a dance in which the man leads, by little signals delivered by hand movement. Apparently, I'm not very good at leading and Cathy is not very good at being led. Hmm, what a surprise!


Of course, this has as much to do with me not being sure of what I’m doing, and we both know this and we laugh about it. But as part of that laughing about it, I jokingly told her that if she kept trying to lead I’d spank her. So the next time she did, I pulled her forwards over one half raised thigh and smacked the seat of her jeans several times. All in good fun though and she giggled delightfully.

The story serves as an intro to a little role reversal we tried a while back. Cathy has a love of smoking and yet knows she shouldn’t. So, back in the autumn she asked me to help discourage her by spanking her, for real, whenever she did. This took the form or proper otk spankings using a wooden brush. They were hard enough that she hated them – she doesn’t like being spanked more than a little light slaps anyway, and gets really panicky if she is expecting it to be hard. And I mean panicky in a bad way, not a good one. Because of that, it was not working. She was still smoking, but resisting the spankings. That was the first problem.
The second one was I really found it hard to do. I like spanking her, but absolutely loath hurting her, and since it is pretty obvious that she is traumatised by the thought and reality of being spanked for real, it is pretty much impossible for me to put her through it. Plus I’m just not that sort of man; I don’t seem to have a dominant bone in my body.

So what with her resisting the spankings (with some incredible wriggling out of them and almost bare faced lying at times to get off it), and my lack of will power to push through no matter what she said, the whole thing failed. I don’t try to spank her anymore and she still smokes (though if I’m honest, I’d have to say I don’t think anything will make her stop smoking, because smoking is something that Cathy wants to do, and one thing I know to be very true about Cathy is she always gets her way. I kind of like that quality, but it has taken some getting used to).

So I guess that what we learned from this little dip into role reversal was that 1) we both now have a lot of respect for what the other is doing and how brave they are, and 2) we definitely have our assigned roles.
We also now see, that for domestic discipline to work, the spankee has to really want it. Not just the results, of better behaviour or boundaries, but the actual spanking itself. It has to be truly consensual.

25 Aug 2012

How DD often works in practise

I thought this might be of interest to others both in the lifestyle and for those curious about it. This is how if often works:

We’re sitting at home and Cathy has made some comment. I was texting a friend at the time, so did not really hear/understand what she’d said and said, “What do you mean?”

Unfortunately, I said this on auto pilot and had carried on texting. When I failed to respond to her explanation she question it and I snapped that I was texting and couldn’t she wait until I’d finished.

Understandably she was cross. I had asked her to go on, then ignored her. And then accused her of being the one in the wrong. It was full on man-in-the-wrong scenario.

This is what happens in this situation:

Cathy feels insulted, ignored, offended, and very hurt and upset.

I feel guilty; I know I’m in the wrong.

I say sorry.

We sit in silence.

With normal couples, this is where the wife would either say it ok, though it probably isn’t, or they argue and eventually get over it. Either way, a lot of male created hurt has to come out.

For us it is different. We both know this is one of those times when she should spank me. It’s what we agreed would happen.

But it’s hard for her to feel strong enough to do that after I’d just hurt her. She feels raw, vulnerable, disempowered.
I feel stuck. I know my sorry is not enough. There’s a spanking in the way. Like the elephant in the room.

I know I can’t suggest she spanks me; that if I did, it would dis-empower her even more. (Besides, when Cathy is cross and I feel guilty, that is the absolute worst time to get spanked – it really really hurts!)

We sit in silence so more.

After a few minutes Cathy gets up. “I’m going to spank you,” she says, leaving the room.

I get up to follow her, assuming that’s what I should do. But I meet her coming back. She had only gone to get the brush. The bath brush. It is the worst. Heavy wood and long handle. The absolute worst!

I stand awkwardly. I have no argument. I really don’t want to be spanked; I hate being spanked at times like this. I hate that brush. But I know I deserve it. I know it is our agreement.

“Trousers and pants down and over the sofa.”

I do as she says and get one hell of a spanking that I struggle to stay in place for. It is fast, very painful and - there in the middle of the sitting room - very humiliating.

“Stay there!” she says afterwards, and disappears to the bedroom. I fret that she is going to get something else, but she comes back empty handed and sits down again. I stay in place, bent over the sofa, literally scared to move. In some ways it is worse than being in the corner. Bending there with my bare red bottom sticking out.

After a while I’m allowed to pull up my clothes and come and sit next to her and we hug.

And everything is ok.

But only just. We both knew it was hard for her to do and that, as much as it hurt, I got off light.

This is why women who spank are special and rare; they are strong when they least want to be.


8 Aug 2012

A new and surprising experience for us

Cathy and I were in our local major town the other day. We did some shopping and then she was going on to give a little workshop she had put on. I was there, helping do the catering etc.

On the way, it was very hot so we were staying in the narrow shade on one side of the street, plus her heels hurt, so she set the walking pace. This meant she went in front and I was following her, carrying the bags.

She was wearing red slacks, and a smart black top for her work.

Moreover, Cathy had happened to have spanked me, extremely hard, the night before (for 'reminders' reasons) and so my bottom was tingling hot inside my jeans.


So there I was, walking behind my lady, watching her smartly dressed back, and bottom, having to go at her pace, not able talk to her or be equally beside her, and feeling my backside tingle with reminders of her authority. Cathy and I are not into Femdom, but it felt very close to it - and very awe inspiring and erotic! :)